I’ve always been in that weird space of apparently hella attractive to some and then the complete polar opposite to others, so I’ve experienced both.
[With shitty people] there’s the creepy favouritism, where I’m singled out and expected to be the sexual fantasy and they’re willing to try and manipulate me into getting it. And then on the other side of the coin, there’s the performative cruelty to make sure everyone in the vicinity can see just how unattractive this person finds me.
Either way, if I have to interact with these people, they’re going to make my life difficult.
I’ve always been in that weird space of apparently hella attractive to some and then the complete polar opposite to others, so I’ve experienced both.
I’m a man, but in a similar boat. In terms of physical appearance I’ve been unconventionally attractive/ugly hot most of my adult life. The way some people react to, like, Adam Driver or Benedict Cumberbatch or Cillian Murphy.
It took my entire 20’s to learn to steer my dating life towards wanting to be with people who already found me attractive rather than trying to convince someone to find me attractive, and finally learning to deal with higher rejection rates than the typical person, while sorting through the people who found me to be ugly, without necessarily knowing in advance who would be in which category.
I also learned that there were people who were embarrassed at their own preference of finding me attractive, and that was its own minefield. Or those who wanted more external validation of their choice in me and didn’t necessarily find it in their friends who thought I was ugly.
I came out of that roller coaster of a decade for the better, and ended up picking up from that experience a certain amount of confidence, the kind that says “I already know I’m attractive whether you think so or not,” and having less patience for certain types of relationship insecurities, either from myself or my partner.
And then I met my wife shortly after that revelation. She still teases me that I have the confidence of a much taller man (a riff on a 30 Rock line we both love), but I don’t think I could’ve gotten her attention if I didn’t learn lessons from a series of failed relationships.
I’ve always been in that weird space of apparently hella attractive to some and then the complete polar opposite to others, so I’ve experienced both.
[With shitty people] there’s the creepy favouritism, where I’m singled out and expected to be the sexual fantasy and they’re willing to try and manipulate me into getting it. And then on the other side of the coin, there’s the performative cruelty to make sure everyone in the vicinity can see just how unattractive this person finds me.
Either way, if I have to interact with these people, they’re going to make my life difficult.
I’m a man, but in a similar boat. In terms of physical appearance I’ve been unconventionally attractive/ugly hot most of my adult life. The way some people react to, like, Adam Driver or Benedict Cumberbatch or Cillian Murphy.
It took my entire 20’s to learn to steer my dating life towards wanting to be with people who already found me attractive rather than trying to convince someone to find me attractive, and finally learning to deal with higher rejection rates than the typical person, while sorting through the people who found me to be ugly, without necessarily knowing in advance who would be in which category.
I also learned that there were people who were embarrassed at their own preference of finding me attractive, and that was its own minefield. Or those who wanted more external validation of their choice in me and didn’t necessarily find it in their friends who thought I was ugly.
I came out of that roller coaster of a decade for the better, and ended up picking up from that experience a certain amount of confidence, the kind that says “I already know I’m attractive whether you think so or not,” and having less patience for certain types of relationship insecurities, either from myself or my partner.
And then I met my wife shortly after that revelation. She still teases me that I have the confidence of a much taller man (a riff on a 30 Rock line we both love), but I don’t think I could’ve gotten her attention if I didn’t learn lessons from a series of failed relationships.