A year ago I broke up with my gf of 8 years after finding out she cheated on me and had been for a long time.
I quite literally have zero friends remaining at this point. Every single mutual friend has stayed friends with her and completely ghosted me. I can only suspect I’ve been slandered and that’s why nobody wants anything to do with me anymore. I tried going to local shows as that was my community but it’s completely sucked the fun out of things because it’s a small city and there’s always eyes on me from different corners of the room like I’ve done something wrong and I don’t feel welcome anymore. So I’ve just stopped attending concerts which used to be my safe space. Standing by myself watching the band while people stare a hole in the side of my head isn’t exactly enjoyable.
My lived experience has now taught me that 90% of people are cheaters, liars, and thieves, and while I know that’s not reality, it’s fundamentally changed the way I approach friendships. I don’t open up to people anymore because I don’t trust anyone anymore.
I don’t think or care about my ex but the friends who ghosted me still cause daily intrusive thoughts. I don’t know why I’ve been abandoned. No closure and no way to defend myself. I never expected how much more it hurts to lose friends than it does to lose a partner.
I miss my friends but they’ve proven they don’t care about me so when they inevitably reach out to me there’s no way I’ll be able to forgive.
Probably I need to go back to therapy again but just curious if anyone has experienced similar.
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Yeah, mate. When my ex left me, even my older brother asked me to not come to parties at his place because it made her uncomfortable.
She was there with my brothers’ friend. She had been seeing him for a while and I was the last person to know. The whole time she had been telling anyone who found out about them that I was abusive and to keep it quiet for her protection (yet she was verbally and financially abusing me).
In the end I was shunned by almost everyone that I knew. I lost my home, my friends, most of my family and ended up in debt for years as a result.
Only my younger brother stood by me and stood up for me. Everyone else believed her. When I started dating my (now) wife, she was approached by several of my old “friends” and told that I was ‘bad news’ and to avoid me because I was abusive. My (now) wife told them she was “a grown woman and capable of making up her own mind, thank you very much!” We’ve been together 22 years, married for 17 years and have two amazing kids. In the end, though I suffered, I have come through way better off than I was then. The perspective that I have gained has made me much more aware of the value loyalty, friendship and love.
My ex married and had a kid with the brother’s friend. They didn’t last 5 years. She pulled the same shit with him, but nobody believed her this time. They had seen the same playbook when she cheated on me. He’s still single, and she’s with another ex-friend’s brother, burning bridges as she goes…
Just take small steps, my friend. Start a journal. See a counselor. Get up every day and see what it brings. You never know what’s around the corner. Eat right. Exercise. Just exist in the world without expectation and you’ll find your place. May it be filled with joy.
Your wife sounds amazing. I’ve been dating someone for a while who has been messaged by someone I know saying I’m bad news. And she immediately blocked. One of the hurdles early on for her is that she couldnt comprehend how someone like me is so universally hated and I’m so grateful she didn’t write me off because of that
Ex’s current bf is a former friend of mine and maybe it’s cruel of me to think this but I can’t wait till he experiences the same thing and maybe gives me some sort of redemption here
You could take the person you’re dating out to concerts to enjoy them together.
Is the breakup and ending of friendships related to the rape accusations levied against you that you posted about 20 days ago?
https://lemmy.ca/comment/23387798
Burying the lede there a bit if that’s the fuller context to your situation.
Edit: I’m not saying I think you’re a rapist. I don’t have enough information to formulate an opinion responsibly. I’m pointing out your former friends seem to have that perception, so that might contribute to you feeling like they’re all staring a hole into the side of your head.
I’m going to apply a user tag and stop engaging now. Arguing with me is not where you need to spend your energy, nor I with you.
Yeah, raping someone would justifiably make someone lose all their friends.
Being accused of something is fully different than actually having done it. Just because somebody accuses you of something doesn’t mean it’s automatic that you are guilty. In the comment that was linked, he literally said somebody falsely accused him. So I have to ask you how do you know that he’s actually guilty?
