I’ve noticed that there seems to be an emphasis on being extremely serious at all times, as if every single comment is a PhD dissertation being evaluated or something. There’s like this weird, subtle one upmanship about every little thing and a lot of people are very nitpicky and judgmental. It kind of takes the fun out of being on here, TBH. Or am I the only one experiencing this?

  • CumbrianCucumber@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    Sounds like Lemmy’s already shaping up to compete with Reddit!

    OK I’m kidding - I think you’re kind of right, Lemmy can get that sometimes, but much like Reddit, it’s only really on the bigger communities that you always see on the front page, smaller ones are pretty chill in my experience.

    I guess it depends on what you’re seeing hostility towards, but I will also say that with Lemmy’s status as an open source social media trying to compete against the likes of Reddit and Facebook, I find that the people here are naturally more protective of it from the sort of thing you’ll see on other sites. Also because of Lemmy’s status, it also attracts a LOT of political discussion, which has always been the most likely thing to descend into hostile crap flinging.

    Oh, I should also mention, please just block the whole entire .ml instance. I can guarantee that it will improve your Lemmy experience and your mental health. I did it in my first few days here, and I sometimes forget just how bad it was before I did block it!

  • nimble@feddit.online
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    7 days ago
    1. Default behavior is to allow emotions to drive thoughts, which immediately inform behavior. Times are very hard for people around the world, so it stands to reason most people online are going to be in a negative frame of mind to start with. Anger going sideways and getting projected or transferred where it shouldn’t, and solves nothing.

    2. Bots have definitely made their way to the Fediverse and like anywhere else their whole point is to foment disagreement and fights, as well as pressure people with a flood of information implying the majority opinion is far right, pro-AI and that sort of thing. See above, but it behooves them to create a stressful atmosphere since stressed people are angry people and angry people don’t think clearly.

    3. Every platform tends towards certain patterns of behavior and I am inclined to agree on the specific pattern here. It’s almost always about something personal, including political beliefs. I have seen some incredible comments and comment threads based upon someone reading whatever OP posted as if it were a personal attack or a political press conference. People also seem here, like on tumblr a decade or two ago, to think that fighting with random people online is equal to real political action. It’s not. It never will be. Worse, it seems a lot of people feel insecure about their intelligence because man do these arguments stink of someone trying to prove how smart they are against, again, some random person they don’t even know.

    tl;dr, people are angry but don’t know how to handle it in a more mature manner, or they’re deliberately fomenting discord with bots because they were paid to do so, which honestly circles right back to the beginning because why do that?

    I do think it’s still better here than on Reddit though. I hope that this remains the case for years to come. I had some bad shocks on Reddit which caused me to cease engaging there. Same to BlueSky, honestly. I follow some people who know what they’re talking about, but… the keyboard warriors are just too much.

  • SupersonicHail@lemy.lol
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    7 days ago

    As someone who’s trying go find my place online… Having tried Mastodon, Lemmy, mBin, nostr, bsky, wafrn, etc. Lemmy is by far the most hostile and it’s not even close. Yes there may be more trolls on nostr. But it’s obvious trolling. Not serious hostility.

    Honestly, Lemmy feels like an echo chamber. I only rarely see people disagreeing with the OP or being willing to accept different opinions without judging.

    On other networks, I don’t sense as much anger or judging based on single statements. I once made an unfortunate and unclear statement on Bluesky and while the immediate reaction from some of the other people in there was definitely negative, it was more of a conversation and it actually ended up feeling like we all ended up moving on. Lemmy feels more like a place where you say something that’s borderline centrist and you’ll be slaughtered in bright daylight and hung out to dry.

    But I may just have been browsing the wrong communities I guess.

    I’m not saying I’m not an asshat at times. I am human, after all. It’s just that on other networks, I feel there’s more opportunity to have an actual debate instead of being lynched by a thousand anonymous community-beloved personalities.

    • sobchak@programming.dev
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      Mastodon has some weird etiquette I don’t quite understand. Maybe it’s because I’ve never really used “microblogging” or much social media outside old forums. Most people seem to use it for self-promotion. If you respectfully disagree on some part of someone’s post or just try to be helpful and add more context, sometimes the OP gets upset (I’ve heard the term “reply-guy” mentioned on there before, and also seen “experts” pulling the “do you know who you are talking to” card when others try to add context). There is little discussion and interaction from what I’ve seen; mostly just posts without meaningful replies.

      Politically, Lemmy seems to lean left-ish. Mastodon leans liberal, but there’s more variety than Lemmy (I guess since interaction is low). I haven’t used Bsky, but I saw when Stephen King announced he voted for Platner he got dogpiled (dunno if that means Bsky leans establishment Dem that would prefer zionist and corporate Janet Mills or what).

      • MonkeMischief@lemmy.today
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        I hear you about Mastodon. I want to use it and find “my people” there, but it’s unfortunately just eery quiet, and I don’t see a lot of conversation happening. Most posts just have zero replies, even.

        I did get a shockingly nice set of welcomes from people when I used the “first post” hashtags or something. That was cool. It has the potential to be cozy!

        It’s weird, because we’re naturally social creatures, so what part of the “culture” drives such a specific lack of engagement, I wonder?

        But also the etiquette can be a bit confusing. I’m on a gamedev oriented instance, so they’re like “Hey keep it on topic please.”

        …So I guess it’s not a place for my cat pictures or random life musings? And yeah thanks to the modern nature of the Internet, most people take “community” to mean “Networking opportunity to promote (or recruit for) My Thing.”

        Even weirder, I notice engagement falling off here on Lemmy but…damnit I got thousands of comments racked up. It’s practically a writing exercise space for me at this point lol. But it feels less personal.

  • TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    Same as with Reddit, it probably depends what community you’re participating in. But i find most of Lemmy to be mostly reasonable like the communities I participated in Reddit. And mind you, I don’t have any particular Lemmy communities I frequent in.

  • mesa@piefed.social
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    Naa its mostly fun to me! And the people i interact with seem like good people for the most part.

    • neidu3@sh.itjust.worksM
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      Agreed. And to dispell the impression of posts having to be PhD dissertations: Pee pee poo poo

      I am, however, a judgmental prick, but I (usually) keep those opinions to myself. I will silently judge youbased on your posts and comments, and leave it at that.

  • Fedditor385@lemmy.world
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    Classic internet warriors, but if you don’t care about how much upvotes and downvotes you have, you are golden. Banned from a community? Probably not a place I would want to hang out then anyway, even if it is my topic, the community is simply toxic and it’s better not to be there. Just be yourself.

    • Zarobi@aussie.zone
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      8 days ago

      In the app I use I can “tag” people’s usernames and keep track of them across posts. It’s interesting to bump into “angry cyclist” being aggressive again about a completely random topic. It kind of puts it into perspective that it might just be how this person sees the world, especially if they’re very active and keep showing up. It feels very much like older forums where the same people keep turning up, which is something I didn’t realise I missed.

    • ggtdbz@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      Just an extension to this, when I used Reddit, /r/all was too big and had a bunch of crap I didn’t care about, and I browsed my home page of subscribed communities.

      On here I only ever browse All, despite the drawbacks. I think it’s practically the only way to use Lemmy. OP might have subscribed to a dozen communities and felt claustrophobic especially if they’re coming from Reddit.

      Different instances are more or less insular though. Hexbear can be good fun but once you realize 95% of the posts and comments are from like 200 people it feels more like a discord server than a federated link aggregator. db0 federates with most big instances so even our local communities don’t feel as insular. .world is .world, for better and for worse.

  • Lemminary@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    Absolutely. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve been burned at the stake for this three times over already.

  • 404@lemmy.zip
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    9 days ago

    I prefer it over the reddit way, tbh. Every comment section there is just filled with gifs and jokes, and you have to scroll miles to get a reasonable and sound answer to what OP was asking. It’s especially frustrating when I’ve searched for an issue online and reddit pops up in the search results, and all responses are just bad repetitive jokes.

  • HieroProtagonist@lemmy.ml
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    Its simply the old internet: A highly autistic place filled with highly intelligent (or at least, that is what they think of themselves) people with tons of StarTrek, inside jokes and oh so much petty grudges.

    As someone who was around at the time of the Usenet and the end if the BBS era I love it, but it is a bit of an acquired taste…

  • velma@sh.itjust.works
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    Initially yes, the most active communities are filled with incredibly pedantic and holier-than-thou users that are more than happy to call you a drooling idiot for not agreeing with their logical opinions.

    Once you start subscribing to communities you actually enjoy and block comms that allow users to muse about how 14 year olds have a “consenting nature” (looking at you !shitposting@lemmy.world), Lemmy becomes a lot more useful and inclusive. There’s a lot of communities that are more active than it seems. I suggest going to the communities page and subscribing to just those comms that interest you.

    Also be the change you want to see! Start posting and commenting without worrying about what the average Lemming thinks of you. We can build the type of communities we want instead of allowing this place to become another 4Chan.

    • Banana@sh.itjust.works
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      Gotta agree with you here Velma. The beauty of Lemmy isn’t that it attracts or allows different people, but that we aren’t advertised to, and we are able to block instances or communities that don’t work for us, and we are able to fully curate our home pages without being shown posts from completely unrelated pages just because they paid money to be boosted. Once that is done and we have found and settled into our spaces, that is where the good interactions come out.

      Misogyny is just as rampant here as any online space, it’s a systemic issue, it was not a reddit/4chan-exclusive issue. It existed before and will outlast reddit/4chan until we solve the actual fucking problem: men are both socialized and continually encouraged to fundamentally disrespect women. They need to do just as much brain-rewiring as we do when we combat our internalized misogyny.

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
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        Misogyny is just as rampant here as any online space, it’s a systemic issue, it was not a reddit/4chan-exclusive issue. It existed before and will outlast reddit/4chan until we solve the actual fucking problem: men are both socialized and encouraged to fundamentally disrespect women. They need to do just as much brain-rewiring as we do when we combat our internalized misogyny.

        Well said. You’re right - the root of the problem is that the users here are predominately male and that then influences the tone of the space. Without conscious effort it is easy to allow misogyny to flourish.

          • velma@sh.itjust.works
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            9 days ago

            You’re ignoring how many women, femmes, trans, enbies, and POC are on Reddit.

            Reddit’s population size is going to naturally make it way more diverse than Lemmy for a long time still.

            • CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world
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              Not ignoring. They have a larger audience, but I felt the general community was more welcomed, and openly themselves here edit: in non-specialized subs.

              • velma@sh.itjust.works
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                Ah, there were quite a few great subreddits I was involved in that were incredibly diverse and friendly. I miss those spaces, though I’ve found a couple of communities on Lemmy with similar feel.

                I’ve found Lemmy quite harsh and exclusionary for women, so maybe my experience has just been different than yours.

      • tigermountain@lemmy.world
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        I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I just don’t understand misogyny. I absolutely love everything about women.

    • JigglySackles@lemmy.world
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      users to muse about how 14 year olds have a “consenting nature” (looking at you !shitposting@lemmy.world)

      What the actual fuck? Are you finding people like that? Oh wtf man. I haven’t seen that in there yet. I’ve seen some category 5 dumbasses but nothing heinous like that. That’s fuckin gross

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
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        Yeah I reported several comments, but the post had been up for days at that point and no mods stepped in at all.

        Full conversation justifying rock stars raping 14 year olds because it’s more cool than when politicians do it and 14 year olds have a consenting nature.

        It was absolutely disgusting. Even the OP of the post called it out.

        Nothing. Comments are still up. I blocked the pedo comm at this point.

        • mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de
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          I’ve noticed that lately shit posting communities have really gone down the drain because there seems to be some sort of cultural notion that you can just post anything and it’s fine because… “It’s a shitpost, it’s not that serious, you just don’t get it”. I remember back in my day shitposting used to mean something 😤

          • JigglySackles@lemmy.world
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            Yeah satire still has taste to it. If you are familiar with super troopers, shitposting is like the officers fucking with people, but what these creeps are doing is like Farva calling people “ChickenFucker” with no humor or nuance etc or anything.

            If you aren’t familiar with Super troopers, you need to go watch it meow.

    • rabber@lemmy.ca
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      Almost every comment I’ve seen from you is hostile lol

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
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        Take a look at my post history, you would be surprised at the positivity I usually comment with - I have no patience for sexist men though.

        • rabber@lemmy.ca
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          Yeah you love spewing insults lol

          I’m also self aware enough to know i can be a shithead and i’m not out here whining and pretending i’m not part of the problem either

          Your name is recognizable and i have seen countless comments from you that rub me the wrong way

          • toomanypancakes@crazypeople.online
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            8 days ago

            If you know you’re part of the problem, why not… stop? You don’t have to be a shithead. It’s actually really easy to treat people with respect.

            • rabber@lemmy.ca
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              Because I don’t agree with the OP that it’s an issue. I think that on anon boards you can act however you want. There are better places if you are this sensitive.

              • toomanypancakes@crazypeople.online
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                You can act however you want, but if you act like a shithead all the time you’re probably gonna get a lot of shit back. That’s fine if that’s what you want, but in that case you gotta have a thick enough skin for it.

                • rabber@lemmy.ca
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                  8 days ago

                  You can. I would have blocked you if I wasn’t ok with it.

                  I’m merely pointing out that you have no room to complain about hostility here. Youre a hypocrite

          • velma@sh.itjust.works
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            8 days ago

            Yeah, which insults do I throw out most? I don’t name call hardly ever unless it’s to point out misogyny and even then it’s to call them a misogynist. I’m serious, feel free to go through my post history. You won’t find what you’re looking for there.

            I’m self aware enough to know that I am rude to men who do not respect women. I don’t deny that.

            I’ve seen a lot of comments that rub me the wrong way as well.

              • velma@sh.itjust.works
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                8 days ago

                No, I hate sexist men who can’t respect a women’s only community.

                I hate men who rape.

                I hate men who insist on their viewpoint being the only correct one and waiving away women’s perspectives and views.

                That’s very different from hating all men.