Coming from a world where the word itself is not even widely know, the idea of being raised as child without any explanations about the world or comforts to be held, scares me. I always heard on the internet of people leaving their religion as teenagers when they were raised by their parents religiously. Lots of people fall into existentialism, which makes sense to me
But what of a child. I am a very anxious person(as i have come to accept). Being told that there is nothing after death or that no one really knows, would have send me spiraling. That said, logically, people have done it(even if i can’t picture it) so i am also wondering how people/parents grappled with this and struggles they faced, what solutions they come up with
Also, on the opposite of the spectrum, what happens when your child converts(?) to a religion. Yes its there choice and all, but i cant imagine there being no resentment or conflicted feeling
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I have found that children don’t need lies to comfort them. By nature, children are curious and crave understanding. It’s important for parents to respect that and equip them both with what we already know, and the skills to keep exploring. Engage with them, help them understand the questions, feed their innate sense of wonder. Eventually they’ll teach you a thing or two.
I find no comfort in implausible lies, and I feel a need to help my kids avoid that discomfort. I also want them to have agency in life, so they need to understand how such lies are used by society to try and control them.
I really appreciate this explanation and have been striving to do the same with my child. I was raised in a fairly standard religious (protestant) household and actually had a period when I really bought into all of it. But when I reached my teenage years and the things I was reading and being told started to make me ask questions, that the people who seemed to have all of the answers would essentially clam up or double down on the dogma they were throwing out.
Being an atheist in America is a bit of a challenge as an adult, but I have learned to navigate the social situations that would potentially “out-me” to folks who are religious. As a result, I have had many conversations with my kid to prepare them for these kinds of conversations since being an atheist is apparently almost as bad as being a democrat (and a socialist!) in the part of the US I live in. I would like to think that my child will steer clear of religion at this point and that he will remain a free-thinker but I suppose only time will tell.
The loss of belief for me started with a loss of faith in the people I was always taught to trust. I never want my child to ever look at me that way when they realize everything they were led to believe is made up.
Sorry for the meta, but why is everyone downvoting what appears to be a sincere question coming from someone in a culture where religion predominates?
I agree with most of the replies here, but don’t understand the downvotes to asking the question.
don’t understand the downvotes to asking the question
You and me both.
It was just a question that bothered me for a while. At times, Lemmy(and reddit more so) feel like you will hit a never without even knowing what it is.
I think the downvotes stem from his opening line that he has some special knowledge of “the word”. It implies out of the box that those who see the world differently than him just have a flaw in that they didn’t know “the word”. Nothing about his question needed the preamble that implied any other views than his are defective for lack of knowledge of “the word”. -edit for typo.
I think the downvotes stem from his opening line that he has some special knowledge of “the word”.
But I am atheist now? What I meant to say was that I grew up religious and its hard for me to imagine raising a child without religion, seeing as how that’s the one template I ever head.
I don’t know what world view you thought i had.
I never imagined I knew your world view. I was answering about why there’s so many down votes. Using the phrase, “the word” like there’s some special power to it is an off-putting marker for a lot of people. I did assume, like most, that when you said “the word” you were talking about Christianity. And specifically the New Testament.
I was referring to the “word” atheist. I meant to say that in my culture, people dont really talk about atheist as a thing. I have never met anyone else who left, so I can’t imagine raising kids without religion.
That makes sense. But I can see how people misunderstood.
My kids didnt need religion to grow into good people. I would feel bad if I thought then not to use reason. I would have done them a disservice to raise them to believe in fairy tales.
I explain plenty about the world and provide a lot of comforts for my child. I don’t need a god to do this for me.
It can be a comfort to believe nothing exists beyond this living realm. That our actions and our lives are what we make of them in the here and now.
My kid has very little questions of a sky daddy who watches our every move. It doesn’t bring him comfort to be watched for any little transgression to be held against him. He is content to be a good and kind person because that is who he wants to be and how he wants to be treated.
without any explanations about the world or comforts to be held
Neither of these require religion.
I find more comfort in the real and tangible human experience. Most of us are caring and social creatures if we let ourselves be.
I think that framework encourages people to become compassionate and kind because they know it’s all we have.
At its best, religion adds a layer of coping which is not based in any reality. At its worst, it sets people on a path for alienation and seeing themselves and/or others as less than human (depending on the neuroses and likely trauma).
Dealing with no easy answers throughout your life can bring you to many existential questions and even depression at times but, as long as you have the strength/support/self care to keep and adapt your sense of self, you will be stronger for that introspection.
I choose growth.
I just never told them any of those fairy tales. Occasionally, they would ask about something that Grandma taught them at her church, and I would usually say “Well, some people believe that…” and tell them what the mythology is. I wouldn’t argue with it, or ridicule it, but if they asked about my opinion on it, I would explain to them why I didn’t believe it.
I’d have no problem with them deciding to join a church, as long as it wasn’t an especially dangerous cult.
They raise them like anyone else does, by making decisions based on their own ethical, moral, practical frameworks.
Maybe you grew up with so much anxiety due to religion itself? I’m the opposite, I live in an area which has almost no religious people and I feel everybody is very calm and friendly. Maybe the idea of eternal hell or heaven might be triggering that unconsciously in you
I was talking to a born-again about faith and she’s so worried about the people around her making a mistake and going to hell. And not in the evangelical sense of shouting about her Bible, but just an innate fear of bad things happening to her loved ones in the afterlife.
Yeah, I feel like Christians make a big deal out of life vs. death. Life is declared this super great thing that was gifted to them by their god. And death is described like an eternal departure into the unknown.
Meanwhile, if you view things in a much more mundane way, life is just your atoms jiggling about. It’s not particularly bad, when they stop jiggling together.
But even if you do prefer them being part of a pile that’s deemed ‘alive’, your left toe is probably gonna get eaten by a worm and brought into a field, where a plant will pick up the atoms and grow some seeds, which get carried by a bird into the next forest and so on. Your atoms will almost certainly be part of many alive piles of atoms going forward.
I was raised by athiests, but neither parent gave any indication that they were and let me make my own opinions and decisions.
In fact, when I was young I actually went to church due to there being a free minibus, along with a youth club for any children.
It was around the age where I realised the tooth fairy and Santa Claus wasn’t real, that I came to my senses and realised that magic sky gods, bible magic etc was a load of crap as well
are you saying “god” is a good explanation for the world?
why not tell them the truth? we dont know everything. when we die, unexplainable. thats literally just fact. you might have spiralled but it sounds like youre religious. so that isnt surprising.
But telling them about a god and eternal hellfire if you sin? thats the worst lie you could say
Sounds like you have difficulties of your own that you may want work on before concerning yourself with others.
You can’t help another sailboat if your own boat isn’t stable.
I highly recommend some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - recognizing your own anxiety shows you at least have that awareness. Learning to reframe it will go a long way.
Going through life “as an anxious person” as if that’s unchangeable, is no way to live.
As someone with gad. Cbt was so helpful
The joy of not knowing is discovery. I’d rather be told the truth that we don’t know, rather than being lied to in certainty.
There is actually no need to talk to children about gods. Those questions you imply only religion could answers usually don’t pop up in a childrens world except when brought in from external sources.
Well put. Religion’s answers may even stifle the child’s own inquisitive thought.
…the idea of being raised as child without any explanations about the world or comforts to be held, scares me.
Your understanding of atheism is uhh, questionable.
To answer this question, the world was explained through science. Carl Sagan was the shit back then. Comforts are more tangible things like family or food rather than an imaginary “after”.
without any explanations about the world or comforts to be held
Says who? There are plenty of explanations. Gravity. Chemistry. Biology. Physics. There are tons of explanations of things.
Being told that there is nothing after death or that no one really knows, would have send me spiraling.
I don’t find the prospect of an afterlife comforting. We are supposed to end. That’s what gives our brief time scope and meaning. I’m 51. Already I can only remember highlights of my childhood. What would even exist of me after 300 years? 1000? 1 million? I only have a short time to leave this world a better place than I found, which makes that time and those efforts precious. If I lasted a billion years why bother? None of any of this matters in the context of infinite time.
i cant imagine there being no resentment or conflicted feeling
Why? I mean I might feel like I’d let my kids down if they needed a religion, but I wouldn’t resent it. I don’t own them. They have and will make choices I don’t agree with. That’s why I wanted children. They are my continuation after death. The lessons I teach them about life and how to approach it and how to be good people are the thing that will outlive me. And through their relationships my influence on this world endures long after my name is forgotten. But they will be their own people and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
You can explain everything about the world to a child by reason alone. And once they become rational themselves they’ll be able to determine that since there is no evidence at all for any god ever existing they can dispense with that fairytale.
