The squirrels were sighted shortly afterwards in a poorly modified Subaru WRX.

Oh good, someone is happy at least.

Nah, couldn’t be him. He got cancelled.

I too have figured out teleportation. All it takes is for me to consume a bottle of tequila, and I wake up some time later in a dumpster outside of a Wal Mart. Two things I have yet to figure out; why is it always a dumpster outside Wal Mart? And why do I always lose my pants when passing through the quantum realm? Who, or what, is stealing my pants?

Womp womp.

If they can even survive past asking why their pizza doesn’t have any cheese on it.

Which country will one of these people end up getting murdered? My money’s on France. Someone is going to douse their steak au poivre in bacon flavored ranch, and the reaction won’t be pretty.

Well yeah, if it’s 4,000 years old, odds are pretty solid it isn’t human.

This article needs more hashtags. Also, all I saw in the headline was “FIRE CUBAN DOCTORS.” Took me a few more glances to notice the inexplicably smaller print.

Yeah, I bet dads in Iran don’t even check in on their son’s pornhub search history. Fucking heathens.

One day we’ll all look back at this time and remember the heroes who stood up in unison and proclaimed, “WE ARE CONCERNED.” Their concerns and strongly worded letters will echo through history.

Hopefully that feeling is his left arm going tingly and numb because he’s about to have a massive heart attack that’ll finally finish the fucking job.

What the fuck is this Russian propaganda horseshit doing on my feed?

We are not a serious country.

Ok.

It’s really not hard these days.

I’m permabanned from Reddit, so…

All while he’s glazing Mamdani for saying…pretty much the same fucking thing?

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Well…I laughed. I’ll just see myself to hell now.