Lemmy is such a negative place and I guess you’re part of that so yay you.

It’s basically this way with a lot of spiders, let alone a plethora of other animal species. Would absolutely not surprise me to hear that this is the norm in the animal kingdom.

And then it got appropriated and misused so that anything, even perfectly reasonable statements like “you should be cleaning your butthole when you shower” by literally anybody even 27 year old men, gets a response of “okay boomer”.

Any time I have a question about how to pronounce a name I just play the name game in my head with their name and that usually resolves it for me. Dunst Dunst bo-bunst banana fana fo funst me my mo munst. Kirsten Dunst. Like that. Clears it right up.

If the story is to be believed, Jesus was conceived via parthenogenesis (aka immaculate conception aka unfertilized egg). This means Jesus had only X chromosomes and yet presented as male. Jesus was definitely somewhere on the line of intersex, transgender, non-binary, et. al.

You’re bald because genetics. I’m bald because I chose it and also because genetics.

Making memes about nukes is definitely rad.

Marinate the Pringles in the Mtn Dew overnight. Drain the excess Mtn Dew into a bowl and set aside, do not discard. Bring oven to 375F/190C, allow it to preheat. Place marinated Pringles onto cookie sheet, do not stack, and leave enough space between crisps so that they do not touch. Use a spoon or spatula to avoid tearing. Place in preheated oven for 10 minutes, then flip, and cook an additional 3 minutes. Sprinkle with Mtn Dew drainage and allow to roast for an additional 3 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool slightly. In the mean time, place any remaining drainage into a saucepan and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly to avoid burning. Allow Mtn Dew drainage to reduce, until it just barely sticks to a wooden toothpick. Remove from heat, pour over cooling crisps. Spray with canned cheese or sprinkle with Cool Ranch Doritos dust if going for a more fancy ambiance.

Last year I found a streaming app that had the 1980s Garfield cartoon running, and I ended up getting back into that for a while.

I found it to be a fascinating glimpse into those times. Like all of the pop culture references were obviously quite dated, but 40 years later and a lot of them still stand on their own. The comedy style was a snapshot of the zeitgeist from the era, surely not novel at the time, but a reflection of the time. It’s interesting to see how much of that comedy style has carried forward and even evolved over the decades. Sarcasm, featured heavily. Self-deprecation. Almost surreal absurdity. Did Garfield shape the comedy world as much as the comedy world shaped it?

Oh yeah, and I definitely turned out gay. But I guarantee you it wasn’t the 10/10 hotties that John Arbuckle was pulling or anything related to Garfield himself. It was entirely Nermal. Grew up living my entire life thinking Nermal was a girl, only to realize that in my recent re-watch that Nermal’s pronouns are he/him. These woke ass shows have been woking kids up since the dawn of time.

That’s not true, the second one down from the top is a sure fire way to steal my heart. Big fuzzy bellies are kinda my thang.

I should not have just sat here and wasted 35 minutes reading news stories and looking at memes on Lemmy while I pick and choose the ones I decide to bestow with the wisdom, or lack thereof, of my words. But this one? This one speaks to my soul. Like the slow chitter chatter of cold katydids on a cool fall night in the middle of September in the Southern part of the USA. Chit-chit cha-chit chit-cha-ah-ah.

No specific drug. Caffeine, alcohol, even deep erotic breaths of oxygen will do.

It’s been decades since I’ve seen the exotic orange cheese powder, but last time I recall, it wasn’t water soluble?

Personally, I would never tell a lie on the internet. It’s not really lying when I do it on purpose with the goal of obfuscating the details so as to preserve my anonymity and minimize the risk of being doxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxed. And also it’s not really lying if I say it to win a debate and I actually win based on saying it. And it’s also not a lie if its in … “THE BIBLE” because it’s what Jesus would have said and what Jesus would have wanted and I know for a fact you’re not calling Jesus a liar are you?

I’m at an age where there’s nothing simple about it, so I’m going to pass on this today, thank you.

If you’ve never had to urgently use the bathroom at a Mexican restaurant but when you get up to the door you find it’s occupied so you wait outside in desperation until the person using it comes out and then you go in and see that the toilet is absolutely disgusting so you resign yourself to holding it in and dealing with the stabbing pains of 3 bowls of refried beans with cheese and valentina sauce desperately trying to exit your body one way or another – then are you even capable of understanding the true nature of sadness?

For a solid few years, the signature on my driver’s license did not match the signature that I use to sign things nor did it match my normal handwriting.

This is because the small town, fascist, dick cheese of a police officer who was handling my renewal decided he didn’t like my signature. So, he told me I had to sign the thing with a legible (to him) signature. After redoing the signature multiple times and having him reject it each time, I finally signed it like I was trying out for the Olympic handwriting team. He accepted that one.

Like what even is the point of this exercise besides just being a giant festering asshole? Fortunately the signature mismatch was never an issue because it’s such and unimportant and useless detail that almost nobody cares when they check your license.

You smell my farts, not my poop.

You suck my dick, not my soul.

You should get tested, I have an STD.